i miss you

i miss the days where we would be happy with each other's company

i miss waiting for the time to past faster so that i can go home to you

i miss the 1st day u cling onto my arm and walked down to the balloons with me

i miss the 1st time i bought you an ice dessert

i miss the 1st time you sat in my old car

i miss the 1st time you fell asleep lying on my fat shoulder in the car

i miss the 1st time you dreamt and held my hand

i miss the 1st time we laughed and had fun

i miss the 1st time you asked me to stay

i miss you so badly now...

even if it was just a few hours that we were away..

i miss you.. did you ever miss anything about me?

= )

gotta let it out somewhere...

all i know of is here..

relying on technology.. kinda sucks in the long run..

her? her... always been it...

bt not...

im not, i know, she knows.. but not everybody..

she's a bz person..

has to take care of how everybody feels..

i better get bz too..

if not... she'll be the one to take the hit..

yeah.. just like wad i expected again...

something she's been keeping..

thing is...

with so many friends around..

im still kinda alone..

i call them gossip friends..

come together and gossip ..

you have ppl that wana care...

yeah... they may be guys that wants to get u..

bt at least you have those kinds...

me? NONE!!!

wadever... i seem to use this word often lately..

yeah... i dont want to care... even when i always do..

everything is a repetition..

wadever...

last thing i have to tell myself..

I'LL GIVE U SPACE!!!!!

gonna isolate myself... FOR GOOD

i know...
me being angry will be the last thing you need for a situation you have now..
because i know what it feels like when people around leaves you alone...
you're away from home now...
i said i'd be your family here..
and i'll be your support...
so im here... ... ...
keeping my promises...
for now... i'll still be around to keep you going..
hopes for myself to be better in doing this for you..
keep it up my friend...
i still love you for better and for worst

i have not much close friends..
i fail in everything i put effort in..
studies.. are just average...
luck... no such thing...
life... getting hard...
love... sucks everytime..
me... i dont have any other excuse for myself!!
yah... im a brat... an asshole... a failure... fat...lazy...
im selfish... im immature... im not a guy...
im not determined... i forget my roots... i dont know how to talk ...
or do right things at a right time.. im annoying.. i dont listen well
a 3 minute heater..not a motivator..
make all the wrong decisions..
cant make things right...

but despite all the above... you still tolerate with me...
i know you're tired...
tired of me as well...
so i'll keep quiet..
and do as u like

so yeah...
just as i expected for something to happen..
no matter how much it hurts.. i'll have to be good now...
for my own good i guess...
it'll take time... will u still be able to tolerate this?
i doubt so.. coz i betrayed ur trust..
wadever it is... wadever my reason may be..
IT NEVER MATTERS!!!!

change? yeah... definitely need to...
just very normal friends? i cant..
a little sister maybe.. or a close friend maybe..
very normal friend... maybe the next step.. ...


thing is... you never were a _ _ _ _ _ _ _ to me...
not once at all... coz i know...
you'll never get past yourself.. the you that loves your family...
sorry that you had to lie...
sorry you had to cry...
sorry you had a hard time...
i pulled you into my kind of world..
-being alone inside...
just you dint really notice it...

i hate being alone at school...college... in the work place...
or maybe in tuition classes...
shopping mall, yeah maybe i can, but not for long....
i dont have much close friends, but the close friends that i have..
are the kind that dont give much of a damn.. wad i wana do, i do...
if i need them, they'll be there... if they need me, they'll try to get me...
i guess i seem to shut out those who wants to care for good..

wadever.. im the reason you're being criticized anyway..
same as sarah,,, but its just your case being worst...
felt that so long ago... mayb even with ju...
yeah anyway... dont knw what to say anymore... im tired too..
bt i'll be fine